Any other step mama’s out there as relieved to see summer come to end as this step mama?
I am already less than a summer person to start with. Then you throw in the heat, summer visitation drama, actually getting the kids here, and then surviving the wrath of bio mom the entire trip!
All in all it was a great summer. Rolled with the punches. Readjusted when necessary. But this summer really opened my eyes to how much I do and how little acknowledgement and respect came with it. Shouldn’t really be a surprise to most of those tho, right? If you are like me that’s always a hard one to stomach.
Soooo, as summer nears it’s end and my all time favorite season is on the horizon ( followed by my absolute FAVORITE season ever!), here is what I reflect on as I sip my wine with my sweet puppy dog sleeping on my feet …..
1.) The only thing that that matters at the end of the day are the kids.
Seriously! Why is this even something we have to remind ourselves?!?!? Why isn’t this common sense notion simple and easy for everyone to be on board with. If your sweet babies are happy, who cares what anyone else things. Bio mom has the break of a lifetime with her kids in the care of their dad, his wife, and his family…. if she wants to spend her six weeks miserable don’t let it bring you down!
2.) Only you control your happiness.
Bio mom doesn’t! Your in laws don’t! And surely not the meddling friends that can’t keep their noses off of your husbands Facebook page and run back to bio mom. BE HAPPY!!! Enjoy the day. Try new things. Have fund. Smile. Laugh. Take pictures. SOAK IT UP GIRL!!!! In the end, the only one(s) that are going to remember it are those precious babies and you. In ten years do you think bio mom is going to be like man that summer of 2018….. HECK NO!!!! But those kids are. They are going to look back next, ten years, maybe even twenty years later and be like man my step mom rocked it for me.
I am huge on boundaries but this summer I was really tested. As usual it started going above and beyond and for once, it was actually acknowledged. I’m thinking man, really?!?! After all of this time this is really coming to an end and life is going to ease out? Ha! No suck luck. So for several weeks I catered, complied, vented my best bonus mom, and literally ripped out my hair. I can take a lot. And I mean A LOT. But when push comes to shove, we all have our limits. And we snap. And it feels sooooo sooooo good! Like better than the best bottle of wine you have ever had while getting the worlds most relaxing foot rub while savoring the very last drop of wine!!! DO IT GIRL!!! Stand your ground. Voice your limits. And be your best version of you. it felt so amazing and the even better feeling is the silence that comes after. Three weeks post limit explosion 2018 and I nor my husband have yet to hear a peep from her. not. One. Peep.
This is something I have never really thought much of. Not until a ten year old asked me if I was going to accidentally get pregnant again. Or at the stop light and same ten year old looks over and says “GROOSSS!! That old man has a young wife!”. Dying inside girls. DYING INSIDE!!!! But the response and reaction you give to those sweet ( but trying faces ) is the cover that counts. That’s going to be the same blunt voice going back to bio mom and repeating exactly how you handle the situation. Remember that! The kids that floors you is going to go right back home and do the same with the reaction you gave. It’s also going to teach these impressionable gems that no matter what they say to you, your reaction is calm, cool, and collective. And there is going to come a time ( if it hasn’t already), that they need to know that!
As always, no matter how hard trips are. The level of patience tested. The amount of hair that turns gray ( or that I flat plum pullout), I wouldn’t trade this chaos for anything. The time I share with these sweet girls. The smiles on their faces and the memories I see year after year of flipping through pictures. I constantly have to step back and remind myself that this is it! THIS is what it should be about. And this is all that matters!
I feel as I type this blog my eyes are stuck in permanent eye roll for feeling like these are the exact same things I have been preached about over the past five years. These are the ” it will all make sense someday” lectures and speeches we hear over and over and over. But you know what? This doesn’t change anything. The day to day is still going to be the exact same. This isn’t going to make anyone have the ahhahhh!!! Light bulb come on. BUT the one who does see it. The one that does grow from it, is you! The positive, the thankfulness, smiling with grace and happiness that no one can take from you. THAT my dear step mama is what counts!