During my recent hiatus from every day life ( what a glorious 48 hours my friends!), I really did some deep thinking on schedules. Hey, I said I’m terrible at just taking a break from life but I did actually and it made me think of how much time I could get for myself,for my husband, and even for us if we were more organized and schedule oriented.
A few weeks ago I blogged on how my husband and I started scheduling two nights a week for “us” time and though it sounded completely insane, it truly works for us. And in the time that we’ve been doing it, there’s been a noticeable change in our personalities, our relationship, and even in us individually. So that got me thinking, how can we schedule in more time together and more time for us as individuals?
Here is what I came up with:
Monday: we both work the hours we need to
—— Monday’s suck and I think my husband and I both understand that. To say we can’t go in early or stay late is only going to cause anxiety and stress for us both. So, I know regardless to how early I start working ( I’m a morning person) and he knows no matter how late he needs to stay, we both have realistic expectations that Monday’s are crappy.
Tuesday: We are both off work by 5:00
—— this is one of our two “us nights”. I don’t agree with this, we initially said he would be off by 4:30 but I know he gets anxious leaving before anyone else so I am willing to compromise for 5:00. This is a night where we cook together, try to not talk about work, our stresses or complain – but open up and really spend it on “us”
Wednesday: personal night for each of us
—— I said before I work from home. This can take a CRAZY toll most days. So here is what this night means for each of us:
—— Me: I MUST use this time to get out of the house, find a coffee shop to work on my blog outside of the house, meet up with a girlfriend for a glass of wine, or anything else I decided that has me leaving the house and go do something for ME.
—— Him: He HAS to leave work by 6:00. Time for “himself” has been a huge obstacle. He recently started going to the gym at lunch instead of early before work ( this did wonders for him) but by the time he gets home from the office he is exhausted generally and usually opts for as many nights as I comply to of just staying in. This gives HIM the option to just come home and catch up on his tv shows ( I refuse to watch the walking dead!) or go grab a beer, take our puppy for a walk, etc. Really, it’s HIS time to do anything he wants but he can’t work past 6:00. He MUST use this time for HIM regardless to what that entails.
** though there isn’t a “set “ time I come home it’s at least 9ish so that we are each getting several hours of down time to rest and reset our mindsets.
Thursday: We both work as late as we need to
—— This works for several reasons. Friday is our second “us” night and we have our therapist every other Friday afternoon. We both have agreed that we don’t go back to work after those sessions but spend together so this night being late ensures we are both feeling caught up when we roll into Fridays. He also has late meetings two Thursday’s a month so instead of us both trying to keep track and balancing what Thursday’s he has these and being half crazy – I don’t have expectations for Thursday nights.
——-I am off at 2:00 ( I’ve been doing this for some time to accommodate my therapist the off weeks we have ours together ). The weeks I have mine is a few extra hours for me to enjoy, relax, or run errands.
—— He is off by 5:00
*****BUT the weeks we have our therapist we both are done with work when we head to the appointment ( usually around 3.00)
The weeks we don’t have sessions we are both home by 5:00
Saturday/Sunday we both try hard to not work, but we are understanding and compromising when we have to. We have to start making ourselves do a hike/something outdoors/long drive on the weekends we are home
Since Monday and Thursday’s are going to be looonnng days for us we have decided to start doing breakfast with each other before we leave for the day.
—— Monday’s: I get up and make breakfast/. coffee – he is downstairs by 6
—— Thursday’s: He gets up and make breakfast/coffee – I am downstairs by 6
*** we spend a min of 30 minutes together. And honestly we aren’t truly huge breakfast fans right off the bat in the mornings, but we still have coffee and check in with each other and get them time we know we won’t have at night.
Wednesday’s we do lunch ( a walk, lunch at the park, grab coffee, meet at the dog park with our puppy, etc ) to check in since we won’t see each other until late ( if he’s even still awake at all when I get home ).
This is still in the makings – we are still trying it out and seeing what of it works and what needs tweaking BUT this is a huge priority for us to both get what need. From each other and for ourselves.
As I was typing this post out, I was thinking sure this works well for us ( or those without kids) but to be quite honest it could work for either household style. Which makes me even happier because looking at this schedule, this summer when we have his girls, this schedule is still 100% doable. We might have to toss a few sitters in for appointments but that is the most important time to get “us” time in.
One other schedule tweak I made for myself is everyday I take lunch at 11:00 ( I literally scheduled a reoccurring meeting for me on my work calendar ) and I take our puppy to the dog park. This ensures I take lunch. In the middle of my day. AND wears out the monster so he isn’t driving me nuts ( which makes my afternoons a whole lot easier!). I also am getting into a routine of making myself get up earlier in the mornings to meet my work needs vs staying late. This allows me to be done late afternoon and either unwind before my husband gets home or fit in errands, second trip to the dog park, or anything else that needs fit in.
This can seem like a lot and overwhelming ( and I really do get it with those with kids 100% of the time whether they by bio or step) but even starting out with two days. And then adding in one day until you have a well balanced week – I assure you this will be the best thing you’ve done for yourself, your marriage, and your family.
Until next time….