Christmas is a tough holiday for us. My husband has been without his girls in Christmas Day for 7 years now. Of those seven years, he’s had the girls the day after Christmas twice. Thankfully now we have a new court approved parenting plan, 2018 will be our year!

Rolling into our fifth holiday together – I had hoped for a smooth weekend. It was hard not having the girls, but we have next year on the horizon. We celebrated a good portion of ” our Christmas” over the thanksgiving holiday ( began “new” traditions”) but without fail we did have a slight hiccup mid week – making the holiday weekend hard.

I could go into the drama and this and that. After a rough 48 hours leading up to Friday, it was brutal. BRUTAL.

I have no bio kids. He does. I have seen this from a completely different point of view the entire relationship and he’s just getting there. So what did we do? We struggled. We cried. We came up with a plan. The plan had a back up plan. The back up plan failed. We headed over to the valley to see our families and we made the best of the weekend. Was it perfect? No. Was it hard? You bet.

Here’s what we walked away with: What was different from this holiday was sincerity. My husband sincerely gave it his best. He struggled. And fumbled. And in some areas failed. But he also stepped up where I needed him to. He surprised me with an area or two I thought would be the hardest. He listened. He heard me. And hands down made this the best Christmas yet.

I’m learning things that are important to me aren’t always important to him. No matter how many times I explain it – he just doesn’t get it. And that’s ok! Because I don’t always get him ( and tho I hate to admit I can’t always be the fixer, that’s ok sometimes too!).

This Christmas has left a mark on us both. For him with his girls, sadly it’s going to be a sad memory that likely will stick with him for a while. For us, it’s a Christmas of learning, growing, and coming together. And that’s what matters to me. Next year we have the girls and that will be new challenges in itself. But we have this Christmas to look back on and remind us that we are a team. And some days it seems like a one man team but that’s marriage. We carry the weight of one another when the other can’t. And we love each other through it endlessly to fight another day.

I hope everyone reading this had a great holiday and the merriest of Christmas’. For those that struggled, I challenge you to find three positive things out of your holiday and remind yourself that though it may not always be perfect and flawless – it’s your story and your road. And sometimes perfection is imperfect!


Strong Struggling Step Mom

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